"...it is good that I should remember for in memory is my salvation. I should say, my curse. This then is a recollection as well, of sounds and smells, and, if the telling is at times sketchy, it is because there are things I do not want to dwell upon--things that rile and disturb because they lash at me and crucify me in my weakness, in my knowledge of what was."

--F. Sionil Jose, Tree

Because I couldn't have said it better. Read more here.

AND HEY! I have a (sort of) writing journal now~ Yes, it's very pretentious of me, but well, idle hands and all. /shameless self-pimpage

So I wanted to share the things I was hoping to finish over summer because they have me really excited, but I realised the post would look something like this:

1. Sekkrit Projects A.1 and A.2
2. Sekkrit Projects B.1 and B.2
3. Business-related Projects C and D

^_^;;

Kahapon, habang nagdudurog ng yelo gamit ang mucho bottle sa kusina...

V: Yan, sige, dyan mo ilabas ang galit mo.
Me: Oo nga eh, kaso di naman ako galit, haha. Kanino naman ako magagalit?
V: Kay K~ (na nasa dining table turned poker table)
Me: Haha, hindi naman ako galit sa kanya ah.
V: Hindi ka galit sa kanya?
Me: Tapos na yun eh, that's the art of moving on, kailangan naka-let go ka na.

Haha, I don't know where people get the idea that I hold a grudge against K.

I was moping around the house – feeling crappy, not inclined to finish my hospital internship and restless with no story holding catching my attention for long – when I thought to have a look-see what games I could play on my baby Shin-san. LotRO was out for the moment, what with my current shitty connection, so it would have to be something that could be played offline.

Then I remembered the good old days when once upon a time, we had all kinds of gaming consoles. I say ‘we’ but they might as well have been all mine with the way I hoarded time with them, haha. They’re all broken now, which makes me sad, but I miss playing my old games so much.

Anyway, I’ve installed a PS1 emulator, and am planning to install PS2 emu soon, which made me go out earlier and buy a cheapo gamepad, haha. I was fine with playing PSX games using the keyboard, but nothing beats the feeling of a controller in my hands.

*******

Also, I’ve been doing some reading whenever I have some time freed up. I couldn't find my last train book; good thing I have OmNomNom. I’ve just started on J.L . Langley’s With Love. Again. The first time I picked it up, I gave up after a few pages. I could just *not* stand Laine. He’s so – so *giggly*. Ugh. I’m farther now, through sheer stubbornness.

Ah, gundam it. I've worked everything out on the ride home, and now the words won't come back. Here's to trying.

-----------------------

A day shy of a month when we got together, I got dumped. It was a big blow, coming on the heels of my fervent promise to stop being half-assed about and scared of this relationship thing and actually give mysef over to the moment, to the beauty of being with another person.

You know all those stories where a break-up happens through text messages? I've always found the act tacky and insensitive. I always thought that it was a sign that the other person didn't find you worth the effort of breaking up in person. Funny how that very thing happened.

I was weighed down and felt heavy the whole afternoon. I finally had the courage to commit to someone, and this happened.

All the insecurities I harbour came crashing down and almost drowned me. It was like I finally had it confirmed that I'm only pretty to look at and be admired from afar, but worthless and without substance up close.

I was sad that he didn't even have me at my best, and that I was judged lacking with that fraction he was able to see.

Still, I am grateful that even for a brief time, I was able to experience the joy being with him brings. I am thankful that it happened now, giving me a clean break instead of later, before I got in too deep.

And most of all, the pain is less because I have wonderful people in my life - mentors, friends, and family who shore up my confidence and flagging spirit.

------------------

SUICIDAL GRADES!!!1!1!

EPIC SADFACE :(((

That is all.

How many chances do you give somebody before you call it quits? After everything, do you still reach out your hand and try to understand? Do you believe everything can be talked out? How do you fix things that at the time seem broken beyond what you're capable of handling? How do you mend burnt bridges? For that matter, how can you tell if a bridge's just a bit damaged as opposed to one that is burnt?

What does it take not to feel guilt? How do you go about forgiving yourself?

Why do people post to communities with fic/art linking back to their locked journals? And then tell people, "Add me if you want to see/read it." I mean, wtf? If they're concerned about security/safety/wtfever, shouldn't they just keep it in their journals? Why post to the comms at all? It mystifies me, especially if the comm itself is locked/marked as adult. Hurrr. Some days I don't like being forced to add someone because of their fanwork. Unless the journal itself is specifically used for fic/art.

"Most hold that the HP Stories take place in the nineties with HP being born about 1980 or so. I am not a slave to this convention."

-from an Introduction of a Harry Potter fanfic


Dear Author of Said Introduction,

It is not a convention because it's a popular fandom cliché or plot device or whatever. It is one because it is canon. It does not make you a unique snowflake by bucking said convention; it only means your story just became a tad more AU. Capisce?

No ganda points for you,

Aisu

AAAAAAAAAHHH!!1! Ang malas-malas ko naman! Lahat ng lang ng binabasa ko ngayon, may squicks ko! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! Bakit ba laging kailangang may non-con? Bakit may threesome na hindi ko gusto? Bakit namamatay sila? At bakit laging lumalabas ang mga ayaw ko kung kailan nakapag-invest na ko ng oras sa pagbabasa ng tinginingining mga kwento na yan? Bakit bakit bakit? Wala akong swerte sa mga kiniklik kong links!

Sinasabi ba nito na kailangan ko ng tapusin ang mga kailangan kong tapusin? AYOKOOOOOO~

by hamlet_machine - so NSFW. Boys in space (and it therefore follows ... SPACESUIT) <3. I only recently noticed how much Cain resembles Sasuke, and they're both jerks, but in different ways. (I'm a bit meh about canon!Sasuke; TBH, I only dig him in fics.) The hints of plot has me on edge ASDFGHJKL;

Crystal Specs by draykonis - WS so far. Supernatural story. I ♥ the art so much.

/ teahousecomic - I almost didn't read this because, well, I don't like bright colours in my comics. (Starfighter's done mostly in monochrome and Crystal Specs, while also coloured, is sort of ... muted? I dunno what the correct term is for the colouring technique used.) Set in a whorehouse. NSFW, oh my.

Oh yeah, SF and TH are slash-oriented/yaoi. CS remains to be seen, although I won't weep when it's not since it's made of awesome just as it is.

I miss reading manga ...